Friday, November 5, 2004

Speak of the devil

[Guest post by Eclectra]

Well, well, well, no sooner do I wonder what the next A bomb to drop on humanity will be than Dawn Eden provides the answer: it’s the obsolesence of the male sex.

How ’bout that, science says no more fat-handed fathers to deal with! No crusty grampas intefering with the latest child-rearing techniques you got from Parenting magazine.

Cause men are just insensitive jerks anyway, aren’t they girls? And they’re always chiming in.

Who needs ’em, really?

Four years is a short day

[Guest post by Eclectra]

Warning: the following post is pensive, so exit now if desire is to maintain Republican elation.

Still here? Then let me say, a sense of urgency dogs me–do you, too, have the feeling that we should take “four more years” as a personal rallying cry and work hard for God and country in that window?
The great onslaughts at present concern dehumanization. Through scientific and social engineering–cloning, euthanasia, abortion, embryonic cutting and pasting, the unraveling of marriage and family, the abolition of sex and sexuality as meaningful concepts, the tempting of us masses to irrationality, hatred, and violence towards those outside our wolf pack–the radicals (or as CS Lewis called them, the “innovators”) swing the axe at the very root of what it means to be men, creatures “a little lower than the angels,” uniquely dignified and made in the image of God.

In four years, what will we have showed the folks we live and work with while we were able?

This year California, an insolvent state, voted 6 billion for junk research to satisfy the greed and curiosity of the cloning ghouls. I doubt many people were presented with the moral horror of conceiving human beings and interfering with their growth so they become an eye or mass of brain cells or spare liver instead of the whole body of a boy or girl.

Rather, they thought they were voting that Christopher Reeve should walk.

What hubristic dupery will we be asked to ratify next time? And will we roll our sleeves up and fight for our inalienable rights and those of our neighbor?

Christ said, “I must work the works of Him that send Me while it is day: the night cometh, when no man can work.”

If he had to hurry before the clock, how much more must I.

Hi Gang

[Guest post by Eclectra]

I feel positively giddy being such a blog butterfly this week–was just subbing for Ith (as you well know, since every reader of Cranky’s is perforce a reader of Ith’s), and here we all are again, brewing Cranky’s Starbucks while she’s gone.

I can now reveal that Cranky got extremely sleepy election night and I had to elbow her several times. I guess it was the boredom of waiting for New Mexico.

Thursday, November 4, 2004


I was such a good girl just now.

A car in the parking lot had a “Throw the son of a Bush out” bumper sticker on it. I sooooo wanted to take a big fat Sharpie and scribble “Neener neener neener!” on it, but I restrained myself. Because I am a well-behaved CrankyBeach.

Okay, stop spraying your coffee all over the screen!

Inside Infomation

I have friends here in California, a couple whose son works right in the White House. (They shall remain anonymous, unless they choose to out themselves in the comments here.)

Tuesday night at 10:30 California time, “Son” called, having just gotten home in Washington. “Mom” had gone to bed earlier, in the interests of keeping her eyes covered and her fingers in her ears, so to speak, because the false news reports (i.e. the alleged exit polls) were just too depressing, so “Dad” was watching the results by himself.

“Son” gave a fascinating insider account of the mood inside the White House, from depressed to giddy. The President actually canceled some planned campaign stops in Ohio, and they kept getting word that his arrival time back in Washington had been pushed back several times, getting earlier and earlier. Since it looked like Kerry was going to win with a landslide, there just didn’t seem to be any point in making those last few stops.

And then the REAL election returns started coming in. Needless to say, the mood changed!

I did not hear whether “Son” spent any of the time in the presence of the President, or whether he was just with fellow staffers.

Fun when you know people who know people in high places.

Wednesday, November 3, 2004

This ‘n’ That

First, since I am a well-brought-up and well-mannered CrankyBeach, credit where credit is due.

Kudos to John Kerry for not dragging this out to ridiculous proportions, and for being a bigger man than Algore was 4 years ago.

A huge THANK YOU to the good people of Ohio. You know who you are.

Last night was a blast. Ith, Nin, Eclectra and I met over at VRWC HQ (that would be Ith and Nin’s new home) for hot dogs. Ith’s brother and one of Nin’s co-workers joined us. Then we walked over to Fred’s, where he and Jim were holding down the fort, for either the victory party or the support group, depending on how it turned out. Nin made great inroads in Fred’s scotch supply while Ith and Eclectra worked on the red wine. Eclectra and I between us killed off most of a bowl of caramelized popcorn (I swear they spray that stuff with Addict-o). Ith and Nin kept running upstairs to check the computer, while the rest of us chewed our nails in front of the TV. Nin told the story–I kid you not–of two co-workers who had actually said, “I’m too busy to vote today. I’ll go vote tomorrow.”

Some highlights:

–When they FINALLY called Ohio and moved Bush to within 1 electoral vote.
–Ith standing up and doing an uncannily accurate imitation of John “My Little Pony” Edwards with his dorky-looking repeated fist-pumping.
–Everyone discussing with great glee what Te-RAY-zuh must be doing right about then, i.e. soiling her Depends.
–The pronouncement, agreed upon by all, that the one thing that could make victory even sweeter would be the announcement that Michael Moore had been found on the floor, his head having exploded after he heard Bush won.
–Ith declaring that she was NOT going to go off quietly into victory, she was going to GLOAT, because we STOMPED the libs but good and we will grind them under our feet! (Whew! Remind me not to ever get on her bad side!)

Ahh, Victory Wednesday is sweet.

About Bloody Time.

The AP is reporting that Kerry has called Bush to concede.

Time to turn on the TV and see what’s going on. More later.

DAG’s update

DAG has weighed in again. For those who missed it, here is his official prediction from Halloween:

Bush will win with 322 electoral votes and a popular vote victory of 3 plus million.
Bush will win with 51.5%. Kerry with 47.5.
And here is his Wednesday morning commentary:
Just for the record, I am forwarding an email I sent on Halloween to one of my political contacts. Speaks for itself. I missed on the EV because I believed NJ, Penn and Wisconsin would go for Bush. Close, but no cigar.
When did I really know Bush would best Kerry? In August, when I saw Kerry throw out the 1st pitch @ a Red Sox game. He bounced it to the plate! Compare this to the Bush 1st pitch @ Yankee Stadium after 9/11. Arnold had a term for this. America loves a strong leader. Kerry fell short.
Next clue? Fahrenheit 9/11. Michael Moore activated the ardent and only the ardent dems—that is it. It did not resonate with main stream America. I saw the file. Pure blather and a big lie.
Thank God for flyover country. Think about it. Bush wins by 3.5 million votes after spotting Kerry 2 million votes in CA and NY! Moreover, Bush withstood absolutely every piece of BS tossed at him by the print and TV establishment. Goodbye NY times, as far as political influence. Pubs also pick up seats in the House and Senate.
Who is your daddy now?
It was a fun night for common sense.
Next comes the blather about Hillary.
What I wouldn’t give for just one hour on the radio today….
How about that. I am one of DAG’s “political contacts.”

Now if John Effing Kery would just admit that it’s over, we could all get on with our lives.

Tuesday, November 2, 2004

Nothing Else Matters

This entry will stay at the top of the page until the polls close in Hawaii. Read it, e-mail all your “undecided” friends and tell them to read it, and then scroll down for the other stuff.

While huffing and puffing on the torture-me machine at the gym, trying not to watch the televisions, because I’m in news overload (will somebody please just medicate me until it’s over?) into the corner of my eye intruded something about yet another poll. The question had to do with what issues people felt most strongly about going to the polls–i.e. national security, health care, the economy, etc.

In a perfect world, we could worry all day long about health care and the economy. A CrankyBeach Clue-BatTM upside the head to those economy and health care voters. Get your nose out of your navel and think of something bigger for a change. If national security fails, there will be no economy or healthcare to worry about!

Ask the people who had to choose between fire and a long death drop what matters more. Ask the people who sacrificed their lives aboard Flight 93 and thus saved the White House or the Capitol. Ask any of the 3000 souls who departed this earth that day.

And then go vote your conscience.


… just spoke to someone I know very well (will not mention who, to protect the guilty). This person just did a lot of graphic reading on partial birth abortion, and is now having “buyer’s remorse” over having voted for John “all abortion, all the time” Kerry, who had the unmitigated gall to go to Mass this morning, after having taken plenty of donation money from the top partial birth abortion purveyors in the country.

Now this person could not have held her nose hard enough to vote for Bush either… but she regrets voting for Kerry. A little late… but better late than never, we hope, in anticipation of a Bush victory tonight…

Un. Freaking. Believable.

After having driven past the polling place twice, with the parking lot jammed both times, I finally headed over to vote at about 2:45. The lot was still jammed, so I just parked at home and walked over.

45 minutes I waited in line.

That is a first, in 22 years of voting at this polling place. Everyone in line was saying the same thing, that we’ve never seen it like this. Usually, we’re right in and right back out again.

When we got up near the door, we discovered the church ladies had baked cookies and put them out. Nice!

Nobody in the line mentioned a party affiliation or a voting preference… but the guy behind was telling the other guy about a friend who had been on unemployment for 2 years, being very picky about what job he would take, because the government had made it possible. “It wasn’t a safety net anymore,” he said, “it was a hammock.” He also said, what do you want to bet, no matter who wins, all of a sudden, there will be amazingly good news out of Iraq?

Sound like a Republican to you?

And when it was all over, my ballot had chocolate chip cookie crumbs on it. I hope that doesn’t invalidate it.

Hallelujah, I’m A Bore!

So says this online quiz, anyway. We report, you decide.

I'm Mind-Numbingly Boring!
I’m Mind-Numbingly Boring!

Congratulations, my friend. You’re more boring than a slug. You’ve succeeding in leading a completely predictable, uneventful life up to this point. People are prone to yawn and check their watches whenever you talk, and…I’m even getting bored writing about how boring you are.


I drove by the polling place on another errand… and the parking lot was JAMMED, with cars circling.

At 11 o’clock in the morning.


Monday, November 1, 2004

As Threatened…

… in my comments on one of Sarahk’s posts about ex-husbands, I said mine had threatened to disown me if I ever sang “Never Set The Cat On Fire” again in public. Somebody wanted to know where they could hear that song.

If you want to spend some money, you can hear its writer, Frank Hayes, sing it, along with several of his other hilarious songs.

… if you are REALLY brave, and REALLY cheap as well, you can click on the link below.

WARNING AND DISCLAIMER! By clicking this link you agree that you have full knowledge that you are being exposed to hazardous materials, said hazardous materials being the (alleged) singing voice of Cranky Beach, recorded before 9 a.m., on a Monday, you accept all inherent risk and consequences of listening, and you release CrankyBeach, all her subsidiaries, and anyone who ever knew her or even heard of her from any damages that you may incur by exposing yourself to this dangerous material. CrankyBeach will not be responsible for any injuries incurred by listeners (a) running screaming from the room, (b) stuffing foreign objects into ears to block the sound, or (c) any other damages you may inflict upon yourself.

You have been warned. Listen at your own risk.

ADDENDUM: To mitigate my sin of singing in public, I will very soon (I promise!) have something much better for you to listen to. Watch this space for further details.

UPDATE: Okay, this might help make up for the singing.

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