Friday, November 5, 2004

Speak of the devil

[Guest post by Eclectra]

Well, well, well, no sooner do I wonder what the next A bomb to drop on humanity will be than Dawn Eden provides the answer: it’s the obsolesence of the male sex.

How ’bout that, science says no more fat-handed fathers to deal with! No crusty grampas intefering with the latest child-rearing techniques you got from Parenting magazine.

Cause men are just insensitive jerks anyway, aren’t they girls? And they’re always chiming in.

Who needs ’em, really?

Four years is a short day

[Guest post by Eclectra]

Warning: the following post is pensive, so exit now if desire is to maintain Republican elation.

Still here? Then let me say, a sense of urgency dogs me–do you, too, have the feeling that we should take “four more years” as a personal rallying cry and work hard for God and country in that window?
The great onslaughts at present concern dehumanization. Through scientific and social engineering–cloning, euthanasia, abortion, embryonic cutting and pasting, the unraveling of marriage and family, the abolition of sex and sexuality as meaningful concepts, the tempting of us masses to irrationality, hatred, and violence towards those outside our wolf pack–the radicals (or as CS Lewis called them, the “innovators”) swing the axe at the very root of what it means to be men, creatures “a little lower than the angels,” uniquely dignified and made in the image of God.

In four years, what will we have showed the folks we live and work with while we were able?

This year California, an insolvent state, voted 6 billion for junk research to satisfy the greed and curiosity of the cloning ghouls. I doubt many people were presented with the moral horror of conceiving human beings and interfering with their growth so they become an eye or mass of brain cells or spare liver instead of the whole body of a boy or girl.

Rather, they thought they were voting that Christopher Reeve should walk.

What hubristic dupery will we be asked to ratify next time? And will we roll our sleeves up and fight for our inalienable rights and those of our neighbor?

Christ said, “I must work the works of Him that send Me while it is day: the night cometh, when no man can work.”

If he had to hurry before the clock, how much more must I.

Hi Gang

[Guest post by Eclectra]

I feel positively giddy being such a blog butterfly this week–was just subbing for Ith (as you well know, since every reader of Cranky’s is perforce a reader of Ith’s), and here we all are again, brewing Cranky’s Starbucks while she’s gone.

I can now reveal that Cranky got extremely sleepy election night and I had to elbow her several times. I guess it was the boredom of waiting for New Mexico.

Thursday, November 4, 2004


I was such a good girl just now.

A car in the parking lot had a “Throw the son of a Bush out” bumper sticker on it. I sooooo wanted to take a big fat Sharpie and scribble “Neener neener neener!” on it, but I restrained myself. Because I am a well-behaved CrankyBeach.

Okay, stop spraying your coffee all over the screen!

Inside Infomation

I have friends here in California, a couple whose son works right in the White House. (They shall remain anonymous, unless they choose to out themselves in the comments here.)

Tuesday night at 10:30 California time, “Son” called, having just gotten home in Washington. “Mom” had gone to bed earlier, in the interests of keeping her eyes covered and her fingers in her ears, so to speak, because the false news reports (i.e. the alleged exit polls) were just too depressing, so “Dad” was watching the results by himself.

“Son” gave a fascinating insider account of the mood inside the White House, from depressed to giddy. The President actually canceled some planned campaign stops in Ohio, and they kept getting word that his arrival time back in Washington had been pushed back several times, getting earlier and earlier. Since it looked like Kerry was going to win with a landslide, there just didn’t seem to be any point in making those last few stops.

And then the REAL election returns started coming in. Needless to say, the mood changed!

I did not hear whether “Son” spent any of the time in the presence of the President, or whether he was just with fellow staffers.

Fun when you know people who know people in high places.

Wednesday, November 3, 2004

This ‘n’ That

First, since I am a well-brought-up and well-mannered CrankyBeach, credit where credit is due.

Kudos to John Kerry for not dragging this out to ridiculous proportions, and for being a bigger man than Algore was 4 years ago.

A huge THANK YOU to the good people of Ohio. You know who you are.

Last night was a blast. Ith, Nin, Eclectra and I met over at VRWC HQ (that would be Ith and Nin’s new home) for hot dogs. Ith’s brother and one of Nin’s co-workers joined us. Then we walked over to Fred’s, where he and Jim were holding down the fort, for either the victory party or the support group, depending on how it turned out. Nin made great inroads in Fred’s scotch supply while Ith and Eclectra worked on the red wine. Eclectra and I between us killed off most of a bowl of caramelized popcorn (I swear they spray that stuff with Addict-o). Ith and Nin kept running upstairs to check the computer, while the rest of us chewed our nails in front of the TV. Nin told the story–I kid you not–of two co-workers who had actually said, “I’m too busy to vote today. I’ll go vote tomorrow.”

Some highlights:

–When they FINALLY called Ohio and moved Bush to within 1 electoral vote.
–Ith standing up and doing an uncannily accurate imitation of John “My Little Pony” Edwards with his dorky-looking repeated fist-pumping.
–Everyone discussing with great glee what Te-RAY-zuh must be doing right about then, i.e. soiling her Depends.
–The pronouncement, agreed upon by all, that the one thing that could make victory even sweeter would be the announcement that Michael Moore had been found on the floor, his head having exploded after he heard Bush won.
–Ith declaring that she was NOT going to go off quietly into victory, she was going to GLOAT, because we STOMPED the libs but good and we will grind them under our feet! (Whew! Remind me not to ever get on her bad side!)

Ahh, Victory Wednesday is sweet.

About Bloody Time.

The AP is reporting that Kerry has called Bush to concede.

Time to turn on the TV and see what’s going on. More later.

DAG’s update

DAG has weighed in again. For those who missed it, here is his official prediction from Halloween:

Bush will win with 322 electoral votes and a popular vote victory of 3 plus million.
Bush will win with 51.5%. Kerry with 47.5.
And here is his Wednesday morning commentary:
Just for the record, I am forwarding an email I sent on Halloween to one of my political contacts. Speaks for itself. I missed on the EV because I believed NJ, Penn and Wisconsin would go for Bush. Close, but no cigar.
When did I really know Bush would best Kerry? In August, when I saw Kerry throw out the 1st pitch @ a Red Sox game. He bounced it to the plate! Compare this to the Bush 1st pitch @ Yankee Stadium after 9/11. Arnold had a term for this. America loves a strong leader. Kerry fell short.
Next clue? Fahrenheit 9/11. Michael Moore activated the ardent and only the ardent dems—that is it. It did not resonate with main stream America. I saw the file. Pure blather and a big lie.
Thank God for flyover country. Think about it. Bush wins by 3.5 million votes after spotting Kerry 2 million votes in CA and NY! Moreover, Bush withstood absolutely every piece of BS tossed at him by the print and TV establishment. Goodbye NY times, as far as political influence. Pubs also pick up seats in the House and Senate.
Who is your daddy now?
It was a fun night for common sense.
Next comes the blather about Hillary.
What I wouldn’t give for just one hour on the radio today….
How about that. I am one of DAG’s “political contacts.”

Now if John Effing Kery would just admit that it’s over, we could all get on with our lives.

Tuesday, November 2, 2004

Nothing Else Matters

This entry will stay at the top of the page until the polls close in Hawaii. Read it, e-mail all your “undecided” friends and tell them to read it, and then scroll down for the other stuff.

While huffing and puffing on the torture-me machine at the gym, trying not to watch the televisions, because I’m in news overload (will somebody please just medicate me until it’s over?) into the corner of my eye intruded something about yet another poll. The question had to do with what issues people felt most strongly about going to the polls–i.e. national security, health care, the economy, etc.

In a perfect world, we could worry all day long about health care and the economy. A CrankyBeach Clue-BatTM upside the head to those economy and health care voters. Get your nose out of your navel and think of something bigger for a change. If national security fails, there will be no economy or healthcare to worry about!

Ask the people who had to choose between fire and a long death drop what matters more. Ask the people who sacrificed their lives aboard Flight 93 and thus saved the White House or the Capitol. Ask any of the 3000 souls who departed this earth that day.

And then go vote your conscience.


… just spoke to someone I know very well (will not mention who, to protect the guilty). This person just did a lot of graphic reading on partial birth abortion, and is now having “buyer’s remorse” over having voted for John “all abortion, all the time” Kerry, who had the unmitigated gall to go to Mass this morning, after having taken plenty of donation money from the top partial birth abortion purveyors in the country.

Now this person could not have held her nose hard enough to vote for Bush either… but she regrets voting for Kerry. A little late… but better late than never, we hope, in anticipation of a Bush victory tonight…

Un. Freaking. Believable.

After having driven past the polling place twice, with the parking lot jammed both times, I finally headed over to vote at about 2:45. The lot was still jammed, so I just parked at home and walked over.

45 minutes I waited in line.

That is a first, in 22 years of voting at this polling place. Everyone in line was saying the same thing, that we’ve never seen it like this. Usually, we’re right in and right back out again.

When we got up near the door, we discovered the church ladies had baked cookies and put them out. Nice!

Nobody in the line mentioned a party affiliation or a voting preference… but the guy behind was telling the other guy about a friend who had been on unemployment for 2 years, being very picky about what job he would take, because the government had made it possible. “It wasn’t a safety net anymore,” he said, “it was a hammock.” He also said, what do you want to bet, no matter who wins, all of a sudden, there will be amazingly good news out of Iraq?

Sound like a Republican to you?

And when it was all over, my ballot had chocolate chip cookie crumbs on it. I hope that doesn’t invalidate it.

Hallelujah, I’m A Bore!

So says this online quiz, anyway. We report, you decide.

I'm Mind-Numbingly Boring!
I’m Mind-Numbingly Boring!

Congratulations, my friend. You’re more boring than a slug. You’ve succeeding in leading a completely predictable, uneventful life up to this point. People are prone to yawn and check their watches whenever you talk, and…I’m even getting bored writing about how boring you are.


I drove by the polling place on another errand… and the parking lot was JAMMED, with cars circling.

At 11 o’clock in the morning.


Monday, November 1, 2004

As Threatened…

… in my comments on one of Sarahk’s posts about ex-husbands, I said mine had threatened to disown me if I ever sang “Never Set The Cat On Fire” again in public. Somebody wanted to know where they could hear that song.

If you want to spend some money, you can hear its writer, Frank Hayes, sing it, along with several of his other hilarious songs.

… if you are REALLY brave, and REALLY cheap as well, you can click on the link below.

WARNING AND DISCLAIMER! By clicking this link you agree that you have full knowledge that you are being exposed to hazardous materials, said hazardous materials being the (alleged) singing voice of Cranky Beach, recorded before 9 a.m., on a Monday, you accept all inherent risk and consequences of listening, and you release CrankyBeach, all her subsidiaries, and anyone who ever knew her or even heard of her from any damages that you may incur by exposing yourself to this dangerous material. CrankyBeach will not be responsible for any injuries incurred by listeners (a) running screaming from the room, (b) stuffing foreign objects into ears to block the sound, or (c) any other damages you may inflict upon yourself.

You have been warned. Listen at your own risk.

ADDENDUM: To mitigate my sin of singing in public, I will very soon (I promise!) have something much better for you to listen to. Watch this space for further details.

UPDATE: Okay, this might help make up for the singing.

Sunday, October 31, 2004

DAG weighs in…

… at long last, with his election prediction (it’s about time, pal!) but he wouldn’t post it himself, so I’m doing it.

Here it is:

Bush will win with 322 electoral votes and a popular vote victory of 3 plus million.
Bush will win with 51.5%. Kerry with 47.5.
Would it be sacrilegious to say, “From DAG’s lips to God’s ear?”

Friday, October 29, 2004

Worth Reading

Via a link from Captain’s Quarters, I clicked on over to The Anchoress.

I have barely begun to explore her writings, but I just have to quote her here:

I have managed people. I know that if I had an employee who early into his stint had found himself needing to manage crisis situations, and who had done so imperfectly but effectively, had still brought in a spreadsheet showing growth instead of stagnation or loss, had shown a propensity for stability and a doggedness to get the job done, and had remained steadfast in the face of enormous personal disregard, name-calling, distortion and outright hate from those in surrounding offices, I’d have to take a DAMN CLOSE LOOK at anyone who might replace him, and the fact is, the new applicant would have to be pretty impressive for me to let the first employee go.
Go read the whole thing.

A Possible Explanation?

Local friend and frequent commenter Bill has pointed out a possible reason why his (heave) namesake, the impeached former president, is out campaigning for John Effing Kerry, when a (heave) Kerry win would not seem to be in the Clintons’ best interests:

Take a deep breath…
“Chief Justice Hillary Rodham Clinton”.
I have heard that elsewhere. Bloody scary thought, eh?
Just remember… get out and VOTE, because if it ain’t close, they can’t cheat!

Oh, This Is NOT Good!

The local Rush station (which was iffy to begin with, reception-wise) has just changed formats, and they have referred us to (can you believe this) the Fresno station! That’s hundreds of miles from here!
I just scanned all the way up and down the AM radio band on my best machine–and Fresno is indeed the ONLY station that will pick up Rush! But it’s VERY staticky.

And to add insult to injury, apparently one can no longer listen to Rush for free at his website. Next thing to try: Hunt down a radio station that’s broadcasting Rush via the net.
Anybody know of one offhand?


UPDATE: The old station’s website has been updated since I first looked half an hour ago. Rush will be back on his old-old station (the one with better reception, thank you) as of Monday.
So it looks like I only have to suffer through today’s broadcast with this horrible static.
Unless they’re lying. Naw, they wouldn’t do THAT to a CrankyBeach who hasn’t had enough coffee yet despite it being nearly 10 o’clock in the morning???

Thursday, October 28, 2004

More New Blood

Found another new blog today, the Spear Shaker. He’s a fellow Californian, with a BA from Berserkeley, an MBA from Golden Gate, and a “PhD in BS detection.” But he’s not the least bit opinionated, oh, no, not at all. (That was a joke, for those of you in the audience who are humor-challenged.) Check him out.

Thursday Morning Miscellanea

DAG has gone AWOL with his promised election prediction. I suspect he has been kidnapped by aliens. If anyone has any knowledge of his whereabouts, tell him to haul his fingers to the nearest keyboard, get over to the blog and post his prediction!

I had a bizarre dream 2 nights ago. It was 9/11 again. I was in New York, and my car was parked in a valet lot very close to the twin towers. Somehow, I was the only one who knew what was happening. I was desperately trying to get to the parking lot and get my car out because I knew if I didn’t, I would not HAVE a car for much longer, and as much as I’m lusting after a new car, I am not QUITE ready to replace the old one. The first tower had been hit and was burning. As I hurried to find my valet parking ticket and get myself and my car as far away as possible, I kept my gaze in tunnel vision as best I could because I did NOT want to see what I knew was happening all around, i.e. desperate humans taking their only alternative to the flames high above. The ground was littered with thousands of sheets of paper. I knew I had a little time before the towers fell, and as I looked up and saw the plane hit the second tower, I knew my time had just gotten shorter. Somewhere around that point, I woke up.

When 9/11 actually happened, I was right here at home in California, with my car parked safely in its usual place just outside. In fact, I was still asleep when the towers fell. I have been to Ground Zero, but my car has not.

The morning after that dream, I awoke to the news that Al Qaeda was threatening an attack that would dwarf 9/11. Weird.

Just for the record, I don’t put any stock in the predictive abilities of dreams. Last month I dreamed Donald Trump was trying to call me on my cell phone. I know for a fact he does not have my number, so that would be impossible.  In the case of my 9/11 dream and the following terrorist-related news, it’s just an odd juxtaposition and has no meaning beyond the wild imagination of a sleeping mind.

Wednesday, October 27, 2004


… my newest blog-buddy, who has promised to post his election prediction here momentarily. It’s none other than he who had the highest-rated locally-produced radio show in the history of the Monterey Bay, The Daily Rail, with your common sense conservative (trumpet fanfare, please) … DAG! Yes, it’s really DAG, coming out of radio retirement and entering the blogosphere!

Y’all be nice to him, now…


The AP is reporting that scientists have found a way to create hypoallergenic cats.

Now, science was not my best subject, but here’s how they plan to do it:

Allerca Inc. president Simon Brodie said by 2007 the company will use RNA interference to “silence” a gene in cats that produces the irritant, which is excreted through saliva and the skin.
But it’s even more insidious than that, as we see when we read further:
Scientists researching everything from cancer to crops are using RNA interference to silence genes to create drugs, gene-searching tools and even a new way of decaffeinating coffee.
Ah-hah! There they go again… trying to figure out yet more ways to deprive she who is cranky of her wake-up juice!

They think I’m cranky now? Just wait.

Step away from the caffeine, and nobody gets hurt!

Time for another cup.

Tuesday, October 26, 2004

Hellraising In Hollister

Via Blogs for Bush comes a story of vandalism against Bush signs in, of all places, Hollister.

Where the bleep is Hollister? Well, it’s a small town less than an hour’s drive from me. My high school played against theirs in football (and usually beat them, but that’s beside the point). Most importantly, it’s in California–a state not even in play in the presidential election.
So what would drive Kerry supporters to make such a mess of a Bush sign in a state they own?
Could it be that, at the end of the day, winning California is not going to help their candidate?
We report, you decide.

The Brits

Now that the London “newspaper” (and I use the term loosely) has given up on its plan to influence the American election, because it backfired in their faces big time, perhaps it’s time to revisit P.J. O’Rourke’s timeless tirade from “Holidays in Hell.”

Now, don’t get me wrong. I love the British Isles. About 99 percent of my ancestry hails from there. I’m deeply grateful to Tony Blair for his unwavering support. Having said that, though, every country in the world (my own included) has its share of barking moonbats, and now and then we just need to bark back! And nobody barks better than P.J.

Warning: Strong language ahead, which has NOT been sissified! Read at your own risk!

Back in London, I was having dinner in the Groucho Club – the week’s in-spot for what’s left of Britain’s lit glitz and nouveau rock riche – when one more person started in on the Stars and Stripes. Eventually he got, as the Europeans always do, to the part about “Your country’s never been invaded.” (This fellow had been two during the Blitz, you see.) “You don’t know the horror, the suffering. You think war is…”

I snapped.

“A John Wayne movie,” I said. “That’s what you were going to say, wasn’t it? We think war is a John Wayne movie. We think life is a John Wayne movie – with good guys and bad guys, as simple as that. Well, you know something, Mister Limey Poofter? You’re right. And let me tell you who those bad guys are. They’re us. WE BE BAD.

“We’re the baddest-assed sons of bitches that ever jogged in Reeboks. We’re three-quarters grizzly bear and two-thirds car wreck and descended from a stock market crash on our mother’s side. You take your Germany, France and Spain, roll them all together and it wouldn’t give us room to park our cars. We’re the big boys, Jack, the original, giant, economy-sized, new and improved butt kickers of all time. When we snort coke in Houston, people lose their hats in Cap d’Antibes. And we’ve got a American Express card credit limit higher than your piss-ant metric numbers go.

“You say our country’s never been invaded? You’re right, little buddy. Because I’d like to see the needle-dicked foreigners who’d have the guts to try. We drink napalm to get our hearts started in the morning. A rape and a mugging is our way of saying ‘Cheerio.’ Hell can’t hold our sock-hops. We walk taller, talk louder, spit further, fuck longer and buy more things than you know the names of. I’d rather be a junkie in a New York City jail than king, queen and jack of all you Europeans. We eat little countries like this for breakfast and shit them out before lunch.”

Credit Where Credit Is Due

I never thought I’d say this… but kudos to NBC News and CNN for exposing the lies of the New York Times and CBS.

The last time CBS tried to put one over on the Great Unwashed (that would be us) and tamper with the election, it was the Pajamadeen who exposed it, within 12 hours.

This time, one of the Alphabets blew the lid off within a similar time frame. Professional rivalry? I dunno. But who cares? Will the CBS talking heads try and pass it off as a bunch of pajama-clad amateur partisans this time? I wonder…

Others among the Pajamadeen have a great deal more to say. Michelle Malkin has a good round-up of links, as usual.

UPDATE: The Bear makes an excellent point:

Another aspect of the NYT story that, logically, doesn’t hold up for me is if the explosives were looted by terrorists, why haven’t they been used yet?
[emphasis mine]
You can read the rest here.


Just heard from a family member that another relative (who shall remain unnamed) HATES George W. Bush, and one of the things she has against him is that the Bushes are “rich.”


Need we even mention the gigolo who’s running against Bush? The one whose tax rate was certainly less than mine, at a tiny fraction of the income, and probably less even than my relative, whose own present income level is not even a spit in the ocean compared to the gigolo’s?

Not only that… this relative is aggressively pursuing wealth herself, aspiring to a lifestyle to which she would like to become accustomed, and knowing that the only way to achieve that is to make lots and lots of money.

Can you say “cognitive dissonance?”

This, folks, is what we are up against.

I think I need more coffee.

Then And Now

Eclectra just got back from her 30-year high school reunion, and experienced much the same thing as I did at mine, i.e. the women held their years much better than the men.

In the comments to her entry, I said that at my reunion, one person said I should get the award for having changed the least since high school.

Well… I don’t have “then and now” photos available of anyone else, but I’ll let you folks be the judge:

One picture was taken in September 1971; the other in September 2004. That’s 33 years apart, for those of you who are math-challenged. Anyone want to hazard a guess which is which?
::evil grin::

Saturday, October 23, 2004

Ignorance Isn't Bliss.

I’ve seen other writers commenting about the effort to “get out the vote” with little regard for whether the voters have the slightest idea what they are voting about.

I will confess… as a youngster, if I didn’t know anything about an issue or a candidate, I would often just flip a mental coin and punch the ballot. Nowadays, I abstain. For instance, I will not be voting for city council members because I have not followed city politics and I know nothing about the candidates or what they stand for (and against). Likewise, on the usual multitude of ballot propositions, any that I have not studied thoroughly, I will pass on.

Mallard Fillmore says it much better than I.

Friday, October 22, 2004

Okay, Which Is It?

Right Thinking Girl points to an item in the Washington Times “Inside Politics” section from October 21:

While Democratic presidential candidate Sen. John Kerry normally accuses President Bush of being reckless in pursuit of the war on terror and relying too little on foreign allies, he earlier this week accused Mr. Bush of being “risk-averse” in that pursuit and relying too much on allies, reports Charles Hurt of The Washington Times.
As he often does, Mr. Kerry scolded Mr. Bush for cornering Osama bin Laden in the mountains of Tora Bora in Afghanistan and then letting him get away — a claim disputed by Army Gen. Tommy Franks, commander of the U.S.-led war to topple the Taliban and other military leaders.
“We had him cornered in the mountains of Tora Bora,” Mr. Kerry said in Dayton, Ohio. “But you know what this president did? Just like he did with your jobs, he outsourced that job to the Afghan warlords who one week earlier weren’t even on our side.”
Bin Laden “just walked out the back door all by himself because this president ran a risk-averse policy and didn’t use the greatest troops in the world.”
[emphasis mine]


This from the same guy who screams every chance he gets about the United States acting unilaterally and not bringing our (alleged) allies into the process?


These flips and flops are getting faster and faster, like watching a tennis match on fast-forward.
I’m getting dizzy and it’s giving me a headache.

Time for more coffee, methinks.

Wednesday, October 20, 2004

Heroes for Bush

The Bear is soliciting contributions to a blogburst wherein fictional heroes endorse Bush for president.

Okay. :)

Malcolm Reynolds here, captain of
Serenity. I fought and lost a war against unification of
all the planets into the Alliance. Now I hear this duh
liou mahng John Kerry thinks some outfit called the
United Nations can do a better job of defending freedom
on the homeworld than the United States. He's wrong. I
left the Alliance because of people like him.

Now I live on the frontier, minding my own business and
trying to fly under the Alliance radar. I have no home
but Serenity, but I'm still free, and they can't take the
sky from me. I believe in freedom, and so does George W.
Bush. Don't let that hwoon dahn John Kerry take the sky
from you. Vote for Bush.

That's all for now. Serenity out.

UPDATE: Jayne has also endorsed Bush.

Waiting to hear from the rest of the Serenity crew.....

Ministry of Silly Walks

Thanks to Aaron for an apt comparison.

Tuesday, October 19, 2004

Moving Day, Pouring Rain

Ith and Nin are moving today--and it's pouring rain. Virtual tea and sympathy to them.

And in the spirit of the (soggy) Nin, a work quote:

"Was it a big puke?"

This overheard as I walked by a co-worker's office. She was on the phone.

I don't want to know.

The Worst One Yet

Juliette has posted a link to a picture that looks like an evil alien from a bad sci-fi show.

And check out the kids in the background. They cannot believe what they are seeing. Neither can I. And consider this--the kids can't even see his face! Are we sure this picture hasn't been Photoshopped?

Monday, October 18, 2004

For Once...

... a truthful candidate photo. :)

(Hat tip: Best of the Web)

Yet Another Photo...

... that I do not want explained to me.

What is it with these sports photo-ops on the tarmac, anyway?

Well, this one will certainly be all over the blogosphere within 30 seconds....

ABC News Primetime Live has learned that Republicans are more satisfied with their sex lives than Democrats, by a satisfyingly wide margin.

Looks like we Republicans are doing our patriotic part to bring America ahead of the French.

Brings new meaning to the lyric "I'm a Yankee Doodle Dandy," methinks.

Explain This?

Via The Bear, Joss Whedon is supporting the Kedwards ticket.

Whedon is perhaps best known for creating "Buffy the Vampire Slayer," but he also created "Firefly," a superb but short-lived spacegoing western set 500 years in the future.

This is where I get confused. The "Firefly" characters were rugged individualists, just trying to go about their business and escape the notice of the centralized big government bureaucracy.

Sounds like a perfect bunch of Republicans to me!

Saturday, October 16, 2004

Polls, Shmolls

This reminds me of the definition of "is."

The Bear, Hindrocket at Powerline, Martin on the patio and Pejman all cite the latest Newsweek poll that has the candidates in a "dead heat," too close to call, with 48 percent of "all" voters preferring Bush to Kerry's 46 percent, and if they throw Nader's 1 percent over to Kerry, the difference becomes statistically insignificant.

It's not until the third paragraph (how many people actually read that far down?) that they admit among "likely" voters, the numbers are 50 percent Bush, 44 percent Kerry, 1 percent Nader.

Only in the lame-stream press is a 6-point lead a "dead heat." They do not mention the margin of error, but no poll I have ever seen had a 6-point margin of error. Only a poll where the difference lies within the margin of error can be "too close to call."

A dead heat? They wish.

Final thought: Until 2004, close only counted in horseshoes and hand grenades. Now, apparently, it counts when you're the political party that has an army of lawyers poised to challenge any result that's within the polling margin of error. Do you suppose they'll challenge if they WIN with a result within the margin of error? I'll give you 3 guesses, and the first 2 don't count.

Sunday update: The official Bush-Cheney campaign blog has a weekend pool round-up. All polls are of likely voters, all were taken between 10-13 and 10-16, and when averaged together, Bush has a 4 point lead.

So there. :)


Via Aaron, a very scary news story:

Scientist Teaching Bacteria to Eat Coffee Plant's Caffeine
Thu Oct 14, 1:15 PM ET
By Jeff Coelho

NEW YORK (Reuters) - In what could be a page taken from a science fiction novel, a scientist in his laboratory is trying to teach bacteria how to devour and destroy the caffeine contained in a coffee plant.

If successful, which the scientist says is probably years away, the experiment may yield a naturally decaffeinated brew that could have a richer and deeper taste than the decaf fare currently available.

Just one question. What is the point of coffee if there's no caffeine in it?

Time for another cup.

Lies, Damn Lies and Statistics

Rusty at The Jawa Report has a lengthy post analyzing John Kerry's claim that Bush is the first president in 72 years to preside over a job-loss economy.

The result? Big surprise. John Kerry is lying through his teeth again.

(Hat tip: Kevin McGehee via Wizbang.)

Friday, October 15, 2004

Friday Round-Up

Brian at Peeve Farm explains why he will vote for Bush:

I guess I'm a three-issue voter, because this election, I want the outcome to do the following three things:

1. Empower our military psychologically by making them feel that a mandate from the American people is firmly behind them

2. Spite Michael Moore, all his Hollywood toadies and college-age sycophants, and France

3. Make the terrorists crap themselves on November 3, not dance around whooping and firing into the air in celebration

I have a hard time seeing how electing John Kerry would make any of these things happen, or how electing Bush would do anything but. Yet very little else matters to me right about now.

(Hat tip: Cold Fury)

Emperor Darth Misha I explains his own voting philosophy. Here's just a small sample:
What it comes down to isn't how many things Dubya have handled pitifully badly, but what the alternative is. And there IS only one alternative. Staying home or voting for the United Conservative Party of Kicking A** and Not Bothering to Stop and Take Names In the Process, however laudable their goals and program, will only help F***face into the White House.

Now, I'm as pissed off as the next Emperor (of which there are none, but that's beside the point) about Dubya p*ssing on the base that got him elected in the first place, and I would like nothing more than to teach him a valuable lesson by sending him packing, if it wasn't for the fact that the alternative is a total f***ing disaster.

Just think about it. If you stay at home or vote "Mickey Mouse" on the 2nd, you'll be helping a piece of sh*t into the White House who has publically proclaimed that he intends to surrender. Oh sure, he has a "plan", a plan that is obviously either non-existent (most likely) or too complicated and "nuanced" for us mere mortals to understand, so he won't tell us about it.

[Sanitization mine]

You can read the whole thing here.

And lastly... for my friend (who shall remain nameless) who didn't know about the photo of John Kerry on display in the museum in Vietnam, and wonders why the Republicans aren't trumpeting this nationwide:
On Memorial Day, May 31, 2004, Vietnam Vets for the Truth broke an extraordinary story about a photograph hanging in the Vietnamese Communist War Remnants Museum (formerly known as the "War Crimes Museum") in Ho Chi Minh City (Saigon). The photograph, displayed in a room dedicated to foreign activists who contributed to the Communist victory over America in the Vietnam War, shows Senator John Kerry being greeted by Comrade Do Muoi, General Secretary of the Communist Party of Vietnam.

This information can be found here.

Scary Stuff

Did y'all hear the lady from Arizona on Rush who was an alleged undecided voter, until she saw the third debate? She decided to vote for Kerry because even though both Bush and Kerry gave unsatisfactory answers on immigration (Bush answered the question, sort of, but Kerry dodged it altogether and answered something else), and though she thinks Kerry doesn't understand the immigration problem because he's not from a border state... Kerry looked presidential and spoke well.

Style trumps substance yet again.

Thursday, October 14, 2004

Political Satire At Its Finest

The inimitable P.J. O'Rourke weighs in with some things the president should have said in last night's debate. (Hat tip: Dog Snot Diaries via Mad Mikey.)

Just a couple of P.J.'s points to whet your appetite:

(4) Speaking of jobs, Senator, how come every illegal immigrant who wades the Rio is able to find one in about 10 minutes? Meanwhile, your Democratic core constituency has been unemployed for years. Are your supporters lazy, Senator Kerry? Or are they stupid? Back when Clinton was president, did your supporters think they got their jobs at Burger King because Bill was sleeping with the cow?

(13) You say you're going to get our friends and allies to take a bigger role in Iraq. Senator Kerry, what friends and allies? You're a sophisticated fellow. You're well-traveled and speak French. Are there some countries out there that you know about and the rest of us have never heard of?

(14) Let me tell you something, Senator Kerry. I don't blame the U.N. for not supporting me in Iraq. The world is full of loathsome governments run by criminals, thugs, and beasts. When I mentioned "regime-change," hairy little ears pricked up all over the earth. Beads of sweat broke out on low, sloping brows. Blood-stained, grasping hands began to tremble. I had to put poor Colin Powell on the phone to various hyenas in high office and have him explain that America itself needed regime-change from 1992 to 2000. And we didn't bomb the fellow responsible, and we only impeached him a little. Secretary Powell had to tell Kim Jung Il, Robert Mugabe, and Jacques Chirac to quit worrying and look at Bill Clinton and realize the fate that awaits them is a lucrative lecture tour, a best-selling book, and many willing, plump young women.

Go read the whole thing here.


Are we going to let the French beat us?

My fellow Americans... now is the time. Stand up --er, lie down-- and be counted! Do your part to make America number one in the world! Our national honor is at stake!

Wednesday, October 13, 2004

Code Words

Frank J has an intriguing list of "code words" to help people decipher what will be said in tonight's debate.

I just hope he doesn't decide to turn the list into a drinking game. There's not enough liquor in the world to cover that!

I added my own favorite in the comments. Bipartisan really means the Republicans rolled over and did what the Democrats wanted.


Right Thinking Girl tells about how some schools are turning to graphic novels and comic books in an effort to engage reluctant readers.

Reminds me of an incident years ago when a fellow of my acquaintance defended his alleged lack of intellectual capacity:

"Hey, I read a book last year!"

... wait for it ...

"And it was one of those BIG comic books, too!"


Edwonk has named me to the teaching faculty over at The Education Wonks. No playing tricks on the substitute teacher, now!

Local friend Joan got to shake Aaahhhhhhnold's hand yesterday. He was in town at a rally supporting the Republican state senate candidate. Joan let me touch her hand. Woo-hoo! I didn't get to go because I am still trying to be 2 people at work, and I don't clone easily.

And I am now clear up to an adorable little rodent in the TTLB ecosystem, ranked #2191. And that and 50 cents will get me tomorrow's newspaper. (I think joining the Bear Flag League has helped with that. Go Bears!)

Time for more coffee, methinks!

Tuesday, October 12, 2004

And It Gets Worse

Right Thinking Girl has posted a photo that I really do not want explained to me.

I'm Shocked. Shocked.

Medical experts have announced that coffee causes caffeine addiction.

Say it ain't so!

Experts advise a gradual withdrawl from caffeine to avoid the usual withdrawal symptoms.

They never mention, however, why anyone would want to give up caffeine!

But you can't fool the Cranky Beach. They are now saying that caffeine withdrawal should be a real medical diagnosis.

Can invocation of the Americans with Disabilities Act be far behind? Will somebody pay me not to drink coffee? Who can I sue for the headache? Hallelujah, I'm a victim!

Show me the money, or I'll keep using!

Time for another cup of coffee, methinks.

(Hat tip: Best of the Web)

Yep, He Really Said It

I just heard it for the second time, played on the radio. John Edwards was campaigning in Iowa yesterday, October 11, and said this:

When John Kerry is president, people like Christopher Reeve are going to get up out of that wheelchair and walk again.

Charles Krauthammer, Pulitzer prize winner, physician, and also a wheelchair-bound quadriplegic, said this in reply on Special Report with Brit Hume:
...the worst demagoguery I've heard in Washington in a quarter century.

NRO has more.

News Of The Day

Ith shares a news story of deep political import.

And CrankyBeach, in her inimitable fashion, has weighed in with her own deep insightful commentary thereupon.

Monday, October 11, 2004

I'm an Eowyn Voter!

Okay, so I'm a bit late to the party on this one, but I think I can be forgiven, since my blog is only 8 days old.

For those not in the know, Katie explains what an Eowyn voter is.


Katie explains what is, and is not, a nuisance:

Things that are nuisances on the subway:
Rats, panhandlers, people who have not bathed recently

Things that are not nuisances on the subway:
Poison gas, biological agents, suicide bombers

I hope that clears things up.

Update: Via Ith, Eric at the Fire Ant Gazette brings us the John Kerry Nuisance Level Alert System.

Bloody Scary...

I'm helping a relative deal with some recent medical bills, trying to reconcile the hospital statements with the explanations of benefits from the insurance company.

It is not a pretty sight.

For instance... the "prior charges" dated 7-15-04? They tell me it was for an emergency room visit. But the ER visit was only $182.40, not the $312.40 on the statement. And their computer cannot tell me where the other $130.00 came from.

Same with a "pharmacy" bill for 8-31-04, for $2422.55. You cannot tell me that a patient used up $2422.55 worth of pills in a 5-day hospital inpatient stay. That would be an average of $484.51 worth of pills per day. Even at an outrageous, say, 3 bucks a pill, that would be over 160 pills a day! I know for a fact the patient was not swallowing THAT many pills!

The account person at the hospital needs to consult somebody else and find out what that $2422.55 is for, because they're "working on" getting the computer system to spit out an itemization.

Now this is downright scary. I am a medical biller by trade, with nearly 30 years of experience. And I cannot figure out these bills. I can only imagine how hard it is for patients who do NOT do this for a living!

Remember, we're professionals. Don't try this at home!

My young co-worker just made a Starbucks run and brought me back a double latte. Not quite heaven in a cup... but close. Too bad my favorite coffee doesn't have a store any closer than San Francisco.... Grrrr. Even I, dedicated coffee hound, will not drive 120 miles for a latte, so Starbucks it must be!

Sunday, October 10, 2004

More Mandatory Reading

Local friend Bill has pointed me to a fabulous op-ed by David Brooks from Saturday's New York Times, about the Duelfer report. (Sorry; registration is required. Can't get around it.)

Here's a taste:

Duelfer makes clear on the very first page of his report that it is a story. It is a mistake and a distortion, he writes, to pick out a single frame of the movie and isolate it from the rest of the tale.

But that is exactly what has happened. I have never in my life seen a government report so distorted by partisan passions. The fact that Saddam had no W.M.D. in 2001 has been amply reported, but it's been isolated from the more important and complicated fact of Saddam's nature and intent.

But we know where things were headed. Sanctions would have been lifted. Saddam, rich, triumphant and unbalanced, would have reconstituted his W.M.D. Perhaps he would have joined a nuclear arms race with Iran. Perhaps he would have left it all to his pathological heir Qusay.

We can argue about what would have been the best way to depose Saddam, but this report makes it crystal clear that this insatiable tyrant needed to be deposed. He was the menace, and, as the world dithered, he was winning his struggle. He was on the verge of greatness. We would all now be living in his nightmare.

Go read the whole thing. It's well worth it.

Worth Reading

Orson Scott Card weighs in on Iraq in an essay at The Ornery American. (Hmm... I should get to know those ornery folks. They sound like my kind of people.)

Just to whet your appetite:

What is Edwards promising us? That Kerry will always make the right choice?

Well, actually, Kerry almost certainly will make the right decision on every issue. After all, if you take every possible position on every question, one of them is bound to be right.

The trouble is that the real President can't vacillate. He can't send troops in and at the same time not send them. He can't go with one plan and at the same time go with another. The President has to commit, and then work with the consequences.

Senator Kerry has never had to do that. Neither has Senator Edwards.

It's easy to say, "I would have done it better."

But in all their attack rhetoric, have you ever heard them say exactly what they would have done differently?

Read the whole thing here.

CrankyBeach hath spoken. Go forth and obey!

(Hat tip: Little Green Footballs)

Saturday, October 9, 2004

Woo-Hoo Redux

And overnight, I climbed from Slimy Mollusk to Flippery Fish, #7208.

A great way, methinks, to celebrate my one-week blogiversary.

This calls for a cup of coffee. :)


In less than a week on the air, I have jumped over 4 --count 'em, 4-- life-forms in the TTLB Ecosystem. Only 2 days ago I was an Insignificant Microbe; now I'm a Slimy Mollusk, rated #8232 out of 15706. Zowie!

(For those who keep track of such things, the categories I jumped over include Multicellular Microorganisms, Wiggly Worms, Crunchy Crustaceans, and Lowly Insects.)

Saturday Fun

Well... today was going to be shovel-out-the-house day... but I just got a phone call, and now it's going to be go-ice-skating-with-Kathy day.

Expect bruises. I skate about as well as Humpty Dumpty. (Can he skate?)

Carnival of the Pajamas

It has been suggested that I submit a photo of myself in my favorite blogging attire to the Carnival of the Pajamas at Bad Example.

Okay. :)

CrankyBeach, wearing her favorite comfy "Scribbling Woman" tank-top, which has indeed been slept in, thus qualifying as pajamas.

Friday, October 8, 2004

I Confess...

... I slept about halfway through tonight's debate. I turned it on, closed my eyes, and that was it. So you'll have to go elsewhere if you want brilliant commentary on tonight's show.


... my graphics have all disappeared. Out of courtesy to Ith I parked them on a separate server so I won't blow out her walls if I upload something big... and that site seems to be inaccessible right now.

So much for good intentions. No good deed goes unpunished, it seems!

Update: I uploaded a couple of the graphics to a different server, so I've got my flag background back... but the other graphic is on my 'pooter at work, so will have to wait until the first of the week to get that one back. Seems the ISP that hosts my personal website (where I originally stashed the graphics) is moving things to a new server and it's taking much longer than they thought it would...

Oh well. As I always say, it's a wonder any of this stuff works at all! :)

Ah, Youth

My 22 year old co-worker went out last night for a friend's 21st birthday "initiation." You guessed it. She drank about 5 Long Island Iced Teas and came in this morning looking like the Mythbusters' poor crash test dummy after a difficult stunt.

She went home early.

Was I ever that young? Were you?

Flu Shots

Via Rachel, a suggestion about how to handle the flu vaccine shortage:

Flu shot shortage
If you won't likely die as a result of catching the flu, then would ya back off and let the elderly and sick people have the vaccine? Please? Every dose given to someone like me is a dose that can't be given to someone like my Grandma. Let's be reasonable here.

What do you think?

Thursday, October 7, 2004

Books & Things

Kerry's new book Resilience is out. (No, not THAT Kerry! I'm talking about my best friend Kerry Barkley!) I read this book in rough draft a long time ago. I'm looking forward to reading the finished product.

This sounds like an interesting book. Might explain a lot of things.

(Hat tip: Right Thinking Girl)

Lynna Banning's next book The Wedding Cake War will be out in a month.

And the ubiquitous Clive Cussler has yet another new one out.

Now, if only Lois McMaster Bujold would come up with another book about Miles Vorkosigan, the world would be a better place!

So many books, so little time!

Update: Jema asks if there is a new Miles story in the works. Hey, I wish I knew! But a nearly complete list of Miles' adventures can be found here. The only thing missing is Winterfair Gifts, a novella appearing in Irresistible Forces.

Need Help Deciding?

Who says Americans are not helpful folk? The folks at KFIV radio have put together this page to assist undecided voters.

Another Take

Okay, so I'm a bit behind with some posting (besides, this blog is less than a week old)... but Jeff over at MyJokeMail (Caution! Plenty of off-color material there!) had a great take on October 1 on the first Bush-Kerry debate:

Here is my quick impersonation of both candidates, if I can sum up the entire 90 minute debate in two quick exchanges.

Moderator: So Senator Kerry, how would you propose we handle the war in Iraq different?

Kerry: Well Jim, I would have done the exact same as Bush did by going into Iraq....but I would do it different. And I would win the war quickly, establish peace, and develop a strong coalition of all nations.

Moderator: Mr President, you may respond.

Bush: Look, I don't like war anymore than you do, America, but I believe it's the right thing to do. We must remain strong and establish our objective no matter what.

You see, Bush is convinced to do what he feels is right for the American people even if it comes off the wrong way to some, and I'm sorry, but to me, Kerry comes off like a guy who wants to say whatever it takes to win brownie points with the American people. Bush could give a sh*t about Brownie points. Hell, I laugh at all these people who say, "Bush only went to war in Iraq for political gain." Political gain? Are you f***ing crazy?! Think about that. This war has done nothing but hurt the President, why in the name of blue horsesh*t would he continue fighting a war that has hurt him politically? It's because whether you agree or not, he believes that what he is doing is right for America. In my opinion, that says more than a guy who really doesn't know what he wants, or what direction we're going to be taken in.

[Emphasis and sanitization mine]

A Big Thank-You...

... to Kathy for fixing a few formatting problems in the "comments" sections (as well as setting up the blog in the first place). Need help with your website? She can do it.

Wednesday, October 6, 2004

For Your Amusement

Just to show that we Pajamadeen are more than a bunch of wild-eyed, flannel-clad fire-breathing fanatics... let's have some fun.

Ever wonder if your cat is doing drugs?

And in the spirit of the upcoming season...


10. She's a goblin!
9. I'd like to get a little something in the sack tonight.
8. Just get on your hands and knees and bob your head.
7. She's got a couple of nice pumpkins on her porch.
6. If you just lick it, it will last longer.
5. Let me see your big sack.
4. Can I eat your zagnuts?
3. Have your mom check it before you put it in your mouth.
2. You scared me stiff!
And the dirtiest sounding but not-dirty Halloween saying is...
1. He's got candy spread out on the living room floor!

Debate, Shmebate

The first Tuesday of the month being the usual meeting time of the Left Coast chapter of the Vast Right Wing Conspiracy, I did not watch the debate. Co-conspirators Ith and Nin did not watch it either; they were too busy cooking up trouble with the rest of us. So I have had to rely on others for the round-up.

My favorite quote so far comes via Michelle Malkin:

"A dog yapping at a grown-up's heels." That's how Morton Kondracke described John Edwards' performance against Vice President Cheney tonight. I concur.

You can read her entire round-up here. It's well worth your time. In my not-so-humble opinion.

Update: Michele has a take that will make you spray your screen and keyboard, so put down your beverage before reading!

Tuesday, October 5, 2004

Possible Blog Logo

I was looking around for a graphic of a cup of coffee, in keeping with my coffee-flavored theme... and found one that will go with that, but also with Ith's domain (she who is kind enough to host my new playground):

What do y'all think? I'm not too fond of that color of green, so if I "borrow" this and use it, I will change the color to something else....


There's not much point in my voting 4 weeks from today.

Why? I live in California. It's not even in play. My vote will not count.

But I will do my civic duty nonetheless, and go to the polls like a good girl.

Monday, October 4, 2004

Just When You Think You've Seen Everything...

... they re-define "everything."

Don't believe me? Take a look at this.

Too Much Information

If there's an explanation for this, I don't want to hear it.

Sunday, October 3, 2004


People want to know (well, some people anyway) why I am CrankyBeach.

Well... now science has proven that we cranky types make more reliable eyewitnesses, show better critical thinking skills, and exercise superior thinking and communication skills.

In one experiment, researchers at the Sydney-based University of New South Wales school of psychology put different subjects in a positive (happy) or negative (sad) mood state and tested the accuracy of their recall of a staged eyewitness event such as a bag snatch.

"The results showed that eyewitness accounts of people in a negative mood are more likely to be accurate compared to those in a positive mood state," says Professor Forgas.

"It shows that our recollection of past events are more likely to be contaminated by irrelevant information when we are in a positive mood. A positive mood is likely to trigger less careful thinking strategies."

In a second experiment, researchers put different subjects in a positive or negative mood state and asked them to write down an argument in favour of a particular proposition.

When their arguments were analysed for their quality and persuasiveness, subjects in a negative mood were shown to be far more effective in their critical thinking and communication skills.

You can read the entire article here.

(Then go read Ith's blog if you haven't already.)

CrankyBeach Is In The Building

Yes, CrankyBeach really does have a blog of her very own, now... thanks to Ith. (Go read her blog if you don't already make a habit of it.)

There will be more later.

And for those who might be keeping score... that is both a threat AND a promise!

No, I am NOT wearing pajamas! Not at this moment, anyway....

Don't worry about the boring look of the page. I will make it much prettier. Real Soon Now. Honest.

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